8 Simple Questions Strong Marriages Answer

Early on in our marriage, my husband and I realized our frequent date nights wouldn’t work with our busy schedules. He was still in college finishing up his engineering classes, and I was immersed in middle school lesson plans and exciting nights of reading literature for my discussion groups in class each week.

Overwhelmed with failing at date nights, and frustrated that we weren’t having quality time together (yes, in regards to my marriage, I want it all), we decided to shift our thinking on standard date nights.

Because a weekly date night out of the house wasn’t going to fit our tight budget and burdened schedules, and because what we needed was more intentionality – we began what we call, “State of our Marriage Date.”

The State of our Marriage

Each month on the date of our anniversary we take the temperature of our marriage and make adjustments as needed.

On the same date each month we take time to celebrate each other. Sometimes it’s a lunch date, sometimes a scheduled sitter comes. Or sometimes, we schedule time after the kids are in bed. We intentionally spend time alone and spend time talking about how our marriage has been the past month.

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We ask, and honestly answer questions like:

What have we done in the past month that was healthy and helpful for our marriage?

Are we too busy with work and commitments that we aren’t having enough time together?

What have I done this past month that has made you feel loved, appreciated and respected?

What have I done this past month that has hurt you or been disrespectful?

Are we having sex regularly and consistently to keep our marriage healthy?

Are we on a united front in regards to our parenting?

What challenges do we anticipate in the upcoming month, and how can we safeguard our relationship?

How are we doing financially, and what do we need to work on saving for, or planning for next?

I know it doesn’t sound super romantic, and it’s not full of flowers and candy, but it certainly gets my heart fluttering every time I think about the 28th of the month. Why?

Because I know that day is our day – and whatever we need to discuss, whether good or bad, will be open for conversation on that day. I know my husband will be attentive to the needs of our marriage because we have intentionally focused ourselves to make that day matter.

Some months we have been so busy we simply need the day for refocusing and skimming of our schedules for the next month. Some months we have been on cloud nine and simply spend the date enjoying and embracing the wins. Some months are hard, where communication has been hampered and we need to just reset and have fun together.

Regardless, every month we come together for our State of the Marriage Date we are reminded how precious and fragile marriage is, and how we are to treasure it and care for it. Our marriages are a gift, and how we steward them is a reflection of our value of them.

As we foster healthy marriages we show the Lord, and the world watching, how grateful we are for our marriage.

Wife Step: Do you have a regular check on the temperature of your marriage? If you were to assess it right now, what you would say about your marriage?

Father, thank you for the gift of my marriage. Help me to steward my time, talents, and treasures so I can invest in my marriage well. Help me to uncover any sin that needs confession and help me celebrate any wins that need praise in my marriage.

Natalia Drumm is a writer, speaker and teacher with a passion for building community and engaging women in the Word of God. She is married to her high school sweetheart, and they are raising three little boys in their home town of North Port, FL. Natalia and her husband serve in their local church as marriage small group leaders and life group coaches. They have a passion for healthy marriages as they have seen the restorative power of God in their own marriage and family.

Natalia is an assignment writer for Lifeway Women and serves as the Bible Study Content Editor at Living by Design Ministries. She also volunteers at Proverbs 31 Ministries on their proofreading team and leads a COMPEL Discovery Group. Natalia writes over at www.nataliadrumm.com where she creates devotional study books on issues relevant to womanhood and living in the fullness of God’s design for womanhood.

When not writing, or serving at church, Natalia spends her time running, reading and enjoying a good Netflix binge. She’s also not be one to turn down a cold Coke and hot chocolate chip cookie.