Wives With LIttles

4 Keys to Lessen Conflict in Marriage – Holly Shears

May 18, 2018

4 Keys to Lessen Conflict in Marriage

When my husband and I were dating, we never argued.  Disagreements just didn’t happen! I credit that to my husband’s easy going nature.  


However, once we were married, conflict became a regular occurrence in our household.  Living together brought to light many of our flaws and personal struggles.


Conversations turned into disagreements, and disagreements into arguments.  It became this crazy cycle of conflict.  


To be honest, we weren’t prepared for the conflict that marriage would cause in our relationship.  We didn’t have a clear plan in place for what we would do when conflict arose. As a result, we ended up feeling hurt, unheard, and defeated.  This was not what we thought marriage would be like.


Throughout our different seasons, I have learned 4 keys to resolving conflict in marriage.  


Choose to Listen

When conflict arises, choose listening over being defensive.  Often times, as we listen, we are already crafting our rebuttal.  Make your conversation more about how you can serve your spouse well, instead of  proving him wrong.


Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

You are from different families and will undoubtedly do things differently.  Choose to not sweat the things that aren’t heart issues. If he wants to put onions on the counter, let him do it.  James 4:14 reminds us of the shortness of life. Don’t waste your precious breath over things that won’t matter 10 years from now.  


Let it Go

Once you have resolved a disagreement, let it go.  That might mean you take a 15 minute walk to get yourself back in the right headspace to be loving and kind to  your spouse. Or, it could look like spending some time together reconnecting.

In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul tells us that love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs. (NIV)  Choose to not use previous disagreements or conflicts as fuel in future ones by letting it go.  


Give Grace

He may not deserve it, and it may not make sense, but you are called to be gracious toward your husband.  Think of how gracious Christ is with you. Then think of how gracious Christ is with your husband. Choose to show your husband this same grace.


Conflict will happen at some point in your married life.  It may be as small as which way the toilet paper roll goes or as big as quitting a job.  Having a plan in place helps you be more prepared when conflict does arise. Perhaps you choose to resolve conflict sitting face to face.  Or, maybe you like to have tough conversations while relaxing in the bathtub. No matter the case, these 4 tips will help you to be the gracious, loving wife that you were made to be.  


Wife Step:  Today, write down these four steps on a sticky note and post it up where you frequently find yourself! Review them often.


Which of these four steps will help lessen conflict the most in your marriage?

Holly Shears is the creator of Tea Time and Jesus, a blog dedicated to encouraging and equipping the found and inspiring the lost.  She is passionate about helping others to see God’s truth and faithfulness in every moment of their lives. Holly is often caught singing and baking chocolate chip cookies with her husband in her home in South Korea with a cup of tea in hand.

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