By Kimberly Kralovic

What powerful words can you share today that can heal instead of harm your marriage, bringing gracious communication into your relationship? This is a simple question I started asking myself. 

Starting the day with awareness about our communication styles can help our relationship wheels start turning in a great direction, and I will show you how today.

The Impact of Gracious Communication

Verbal communication can have the most substantial impact on your relationship. Simple phrases can uplift or dampen your day. On either end, words can bring up buried wounds or ignite peace and reassurance. 

I’ll never forget when anxiety crippled my soul. My husband often shared safe words I desperately needed to hear in moments of discouragement:

• “You are safe.”
• “You are okay.”
• “Let’s stay in tonight.”

On the flip side, I know how deeply words can trigger the opposite response on both ends. A scene in time where it feels like the cups of gasoline keep pouring to fuel the fire within.

Anxiety can take its toll on both partners, and being open about your needs can significantly help in a struggling season. Understanding how each of you operates can make all the difference. So today, speak up and seek reminders that can help. 

“Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Proverbs 16:24 (ESV)

I’ve gotten so much better at saying sweet, compassionate words and eliminating assumptions. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. Being proactive about sharing gracious words often minimizes fights. When flare-ups occur, they are easier to manage with gracious communication.

3 Tips for Gracious Communication

Here are three tips to remember for gracious communication.

1. Pause before you speak.

A pause before you speak can make a big difference. First, give yourself a few seconds, and ask yourself if you are reacting from a hurt place. Next, try to look at it from your husband’s point of view. Then, consider an outsider’s perspective. Finally, carefully choose words while still expressing your thoughts and concerns in a calming tone.

2. Retire the blame game.

Have you ever said, “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have gotten so mad?” Although you may have natural tendencies to defend yourself, ultimately phrases that blame end up causing more problems. Such words may have strong roots in your past experience, but recognizing and breaking the cycles is a healthy way to move forward. Instead of blaming, make a point to celebrate each other’s wins and contributions. 

3. Initiate prayer.

Even though we had just gotten engaged, my life felt chaotic due to health issues which tempted me to feel low instead of happy. One night, I asked if we could pray together. From that point on, I felt such peace within, and I truly felt like Christ led us forward. Prayer is a great way to stay connected with your spouse and increase your gracious communication toward one another. It’s good to pray alone, but praying together as a unit is an incredible gift. 

Remember, you constantly influence one another as a team, and small actions of gracious communication will lead to growth and deeper connection.

Wife Step: Which of these tips will you implement this week?