By Kristin Milner

You must go first in setting examples for your family. Here’s my story of learning and applying this truth.

You Must Go First

I have a really weird habit of pulling my hair out. I’m not sure when it started, or why. Now I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

One day my three-year-old suddenly started crying. When I asked her what was wrong, her answer was so sad. “I’m afraid you are going to pull all of your hair out and not have any left.”

Oh me. This was the moment I realized I had a problem. 

Not just a problem with pulling my hair out, but also a problem with the difficulty of quitting. I mean, why couldn’t I just stop? And why did I ever start this in the first place?

Since that day, I’ve found it hard to tell my daughters to stop biting their nails, chewing their hair, or to stop picking their noses. These are all such seemingly small habits, yet so is my hair pulling habit. However, I realize it’s not easy to break away from it. 

It’s difficult to ask my husband to stop any of his habits that annoy me, such as leaving his dirty laundry right next to the laundry basket. I mean- the basket is right there!

Although these are silly examples, my hair-pulling habit has opened my eyes to the impact my daily habits have on my family – or rather, how I’m leading my family by setting an example.

Leading Our Families

As followers of Christ, we are called to lead by example and trust the Lord for others to follow. 

In Titus, we see a description of how we as women are to lead within our homes. 

“Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:4-5 (NIV)

There are several areas of our home life in which we wives are leaders. Here are a few areas in which I lead my family: 

• Healthy lifestyle
• Daily time with God
• Mood of home
• Attending church regularly
• Valuing education
• Honoring others with our words
• Prayer
• Generosity
• Daily chores

Although this list seems simple, it can be difficult to live these habits out everyday. These habits feel mundane and boring. They also feel insignificant at the moment. 

However, these habits are the significant things we can teach our children, and we must go first in being good examples for them to follow.

We Must Go First

Just like my difficulty in breaking my hair-pulling habit, being a leader in healthy habits can be challenging. Additionally, we can’t expect our children to develop healthy habits that we have yet to develop for ourselves. 

Ouch. That truth hurts. 

How are we to develop better habits so we can lead more effectively in our homes? Here are a few tips to help you go first:

1. Invite God into your experience. Ask him every day to help you lead well.
2. Make a list of your family values and how you want to see them in action.
3. Focus on the areas where you want to improve so you can build better habits as a good example to your family.

We are called to be leaders in our homes. Let’s lead well together with a plan for healthy habits.

Wife Step: Talk with your husband about your family values. Self-evaluate and ask him if you are displaying the values you feel are most important in your home.