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By Kristin Milner

What’s the purpose of marriage?

That’s something I never thought about growing up. My focus was more on having a great wedding, who my bridesmaids would be, and if I should get married at the beach or in a church. Turns out, I didn’t go with either option, but that’s a story for another day.

The wedding was over. My marriage had started. I realized, I didn’t know what to do. At that time in my life, I didn’t even know how to cook spaghetti. I had a lot of learning to do. 

I’ll be honest. Thirteen years later, I’m still learning. One thing I know is this – marriage is a daily choice. We have the opportunity to choose our husbands as our priority over and over each day. 

The best word I know to summarize the purpose of marriage is this: unity. I think there are three things to focus on when creating unity in our marriages. 

The first focus for the purpose of marriage is becoming one. 

It’s so awkward to talk about sex. But let’s just look at the first couple created, and see what we can learn from them. 

In Genesis 1:27, we see God created Adam and Eve. In the very next verse, Genesis 1:28, he tells them to be fruitful and multiply. A little later in Genesis 2:24, we see more details about the creation of Adam and Eve. God tells them they are to become one flesh.

Sex was created as an innocent delight in one another. When two people become one in marriage, this is the greatest form of unity. 

For more on sex in marriage, start here!

The second aspect for the purpose of marriage is companionship.

In Genesis 2:18, God says it is not good for man to be alone, and then made a helper fit for him.

The word helper is often seen as a negative thing among women, but it doesn’t have to be. God wanted Adam to have a helper fit for him. This implies God knew Adam and Eve would both have strengths and weaknesses. God knew they could benefit from one another. 

When we work in unity with our husbands and we both invest our strengths into our marriages, we thrive together! 

The third focus for the purpose of marriage is love and respect. 

Unity is something that takes a lot of work, and a lot of trust. Oftentimes, it also requires submission. 

Eve was asked by God to not eat the fruit from the tree of life. She gave in and took a bite anyway. In that moment, she didn’t trust that what God asked of her was for her good. 

We do this with our husbands as well. Sometimes, our disrespect and lack of trust is an accident. Other times, it’s because we want to do things our own way. 

In our house, lack of respect from me toward my husband often looks very subtle, as it did with Eve. Maybe he has asked me to do a certain chore or fold his socks a certain way. In not wanting to be told what to do, sometimes I do it the way I want to do it. 

Subtle disrespect creates long-lasting bitterness within marriage. Bitterness is the opposite of unity. 

Creating unity takes a lot of work. This is what pursuing unity looks like practically speaking for my husband and I in our marriage:

• Go on frequent date nights. 

These are so important. As noted above, sex, companionship and love and respect work together to create unity. Each of these require spending quality time together.

• Plan a special trip together. 

Every five years, my husband and I plan a special trip just for us. This gives us something to plan together, look forward to, and it creates lasting memories we use to continue bonding together for years to come.

• Purchase your spouse something shockingly sexy. 

Flirting doesn’t have to be limited to dating years. In fact, it shouldn’t, and once you are married, the world of flirting material really expands. You can get creative here. I’ll give you some ideas. Maybe start small with a new bra. A sheer (see through) robe. Some silk boxers. If you are looking for a little more shock value, maybe book a hotel right by your husband’s office. Ask him out for lunch, and slide him the key as you are about to place your order. 

• Pray together.

I’ll end on a more spiritual note. Don’t forget the old saying- couples who pray together stay together. 

Our unity with one another in marriage is ultimately meant to create unity with God. Seeking this greater unity with God is perhaps the ultimate purpose of marriage. 

Wife Step: Plan a fun date night (or day date) with your spouse. Surprise him with something thoughtful- perhaps some grilling accessories, a video game or camping gear. Whatever you get, make sure he knows it’s meant to support him in one of his hobbies or interests. This is a great way to make him feel special!