One Way You Need to Break Free from Your Husband
If I could do one thing over from the earliest days of my marriage, it would be to stop letting my husband determine my moods and reactions.
In those beginning years of our marriage, I didn’t realize how unhealthy and unbiblical this was and is, nor how it was chaining me to bitterness and regret. Instead, I felt like it was a reflection of how in-tune I was with my guy.
Shouldn’t that be the goal of every devoted wife? To be sensitive to and echo her husband’s feelings and choices?
Naturally, this habit worked well for me whenever my husband was in a good mood, made wise decisions, and reflected Christlike character. When my husband helped and responded to me in ways that matched my expectations and desires, it was easy to speak kindly and show him respect.
But, on the flip-side, whenever my husband was in a bad mood or didn’t step in as I desired him to, I allowed myself to gravitate toward a negative mood and responses that weren’t helpful but instead hurtful.
Whenever he wanted to argue, I jumped up and was ready to spar a few rounds with him. If he caved to some temptation, I felt more inclined to give into my own brand of weaknesses and sin. And I did this all in the name of following my husband’s lead. My mood, emotions, and reactions followed his.
Unfortunately, this goes against Jesus’ words in Matthew 10:37: “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.”
You could easily insert “husband” in this verse as well.
To be clear, this verse is not urging us to stop loving our husbands or other loved ones in our lives. It simply reminds us to never make someone our focus and priority over the Lord. In other words, we should never follow our husband’s lead when his lead goes against following the Lord’s lead. Some call this codependency, while the Bible calls this “idolatry.”
This might feel simple, but when our mood depends on our husbands, we aren’t living in the freedom Christ died for – we’re bound to someone else. These are the chains that restrict us, rather than the ties that bind us to our husbands out of unity and love.
Is this something you’ve been grappling with—mirroring your spouse’s negative emotions and choices? Have you felt the discouragement that always comes with this unhealthy dependency?
I hope you’ll allow this awareness to give you the clarity and courage to change—to put God in His proper place in your life and marriage. This is what will also give you the proper perspective you need when you feel the urge to follow your husband’s poor attitude, bad day, his lack of interest, or his wrong choices.
Friends, whenever we make God our ultimate priority—letting the Lord determine our choices—the Lord strengthens our bond with our husbands. Now, that’s truly a choice that’s hard to resist!
Wife Step: Identify the times when you’ve allowed your husband to negatively influence your mood, emotion, or reactions. When those kinds of situation arise again, ask the Lord to give you the strength to choose Him and His way instead of your husband’s wrong way.
Beth Steffaniak is an author, marriage blogger, life-coach, pastor’s wife, empty nester and proud grandma. She resides with her husband in southern Illinois, where they enjoy leading marriage workshops together, as well as investing in helping people grow closer to Christ, each other and the disconnected. You can find more of her writing at www.messymarriage.com.