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By Rebecca Hastings

How do I move on when it hurts so much?

That’s the question to which I kept returning. Things didn’t end the way I hoped they would. We said things that hurt, and even though the dust settled, I struggled to see how I could move on without carrying the pain of the disagreement.

Every relationship has the potential for strife. Often, the closer we are to someone, the more opportunity there is to hurt them or be hurt. For a long time, I thought it was all up to me to figure it out and move on. But look what I discovered:  

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 (CSB)

Did you catch that? Our healing isn’t ours to navigate alone. The Lord promises to come and heal us, even when they are wounds of the heart. So, how do we move into that place of healing?

Tell God How You Feel

This is the first step to healing. God is powerful and can work miracles. But he also wants a relationship with you. Part of that relationship is coming to him when you are hurt and telling him exactly what that feels like. He wants you to share your heart with him, even the messy parts. 

Often, I am quick to go to a trusted person in my life with my struggle, but I don’t actually bring it to God. It is good to have people we trust to help us through hard things, but God should always be our first stop, the one we share it all with.

Surround Yourself with Truth

When something hurts, it’s easy to seek out creature comforts. Ice cream and Netflix seem like my best friends when I’m carrying pain. While they may offer temporary relief, the truth is that we need Truth.

Think about ways to ground yourself in God’s Truth. Try listening to worship or reading the Psalms. Breath prayers are a simple way to talk to God and declare his Truth that doesn’t feel overwhelming. Try breathing in as you remember “God heals my broken heart,” and breathing out as you remember, “and bandages my wounds.” 

Other great scriptures for breath prayers include Isaiah 40:31, Proverbs 3:5, or even a simple declaration like “I receive your healing and I release my pain.” Incorporating Truth in your day fosters the healing you need. 

Make Spiritually Healthy Choices

Much like the comfort of ice cream and Netflix, there are things we tend to grip when we are in pain. Unforgiveness, comparison, anger, and justification are just a few of the ways we try to find our own way through our hurts. But God has something better.

Choosing things that are good for your spirit will help you heal far more than the things listed above. Forgiveness, gratitude, kindness, and gentleness are just a few examples of things that are good for your soul. These may not feel easy, but with God’s help, you can make small choices in this direction and begin to shift from pain to healing.

Discover Healing When Someone Hurts You

When someone you love hurts you, it can feel impossible to move past it. But God loves you far too much to leave you in a place of pain and heartache. When you come to him and ask for his help, you can discover you can take steps toward freedom and healing today. 

Wife Step: Identify what you turn to when you are hurt, and confess this before God, asking for his help and comfort instead.

NOTE: God does not want us to be abused. If you are in a situation where someone is hurting you physically or emotionally, seeking the help of a trained counselor is an essential part of your healing. You can find help in person or online. Focus on the Family has phone help and recommendations for in-person Christian counselors. Other online resources like BetterHelp can connect you with licensed therapists as well.

Grab our free marriage resources here!