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By Kimberly Kralovic

Are you in a season of feeling closed off? Feeling a lack of abundance in your marriage can result from upbringing or feelings of comparison, but you can break down the barriers. 

A Marriage Like Hers

I was afraid our marriage wasn’t as magical as it could be. I didn’t know how to press fear aside while feeling fulfilled. The desire for change was there, yet I didn’t yet learn how to connect the dots and feel open without hesitation. 

Little did I realize that I was putting additional unnecessary pressure, as my marriage certainly did not look like “hers.” So, to try to be a top-notch wife, I drowned myself with unrealistic expectations. I had ideas about what a healthy married couple should be but didn’t know how to intertwine “relationship goals” into our day-to-day lives. 

But then, I instantly compared our marriage with strangers on the internet with a mouse click. Statistics and suggestions invaded vulnerable pieces of my heart. I felt informed while simultaneously feeling like something was wrong with us as a couple. 

Were we as happy as we could be?

Trusting From a Fearful Place  

After my Google search for the ultimate game of comparison, I felt like a horrible wife for even typing those words on the keyboard and quickly tried to toss guilt aside. But, after reading, I suddenly saw the scars of the foundation that built me. Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (ESV)

Perhaps our marriage was healthier than I realized before comparison-led fear settled, and I had to put trust in my husband first. Trust issues were another common theme in my life that started from a young age. It was ingrained in me not to trust men for one reason or another, so I didn’t for a very long time.

Those ideas clung to my subconscious mind. I immediately knew I had to rewire if I wanted to get to a loving, thriving place and stay there. I was married to a man that never led me to distrust, and there wasn’t anything to fear. So I turned to Jesus as tears ran down my cheeks, asking him to lead the way – to open my heart and push down any lingering fear while seeking peace. 

Permission to Bloom

Sometimes, inner healing is necessary to spark the intimacy you crave. It may take time, effort, prayers, and even therapy. But perhaps scars that once held shame can now mend and strengthen. 

Instead of finding external validation, you can seek reassurance. No two marriages are alike. You are a unique wife worthy of redefining what works best for your mind, body, and soul, permitting yourself to bloom alongside Christ.

Wife Step: Are there any barriers holding you back in your marriage? Write down how you can open your heart and mind to the Lord.

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