By Jess Robichaud

What is a set-apart wife? I learned about this the hard way, and here’s a glimpse of my journey of spiritual growth.

The Journey of Becoming a Set-Apart Wife

I was sitting at my parents’ dining room table with tears streaming down my face. How could we have gotten here? Was divorce really something I was considering?

I had just left my husband after five months of marriage and I felt like I was on autopilot. 

Watching my marriage crash before my eyes was like an out-of-body experience – I felt so confused and unsure. Was divorce the next step? How could we ever repair what was broken between us?

It was in that moment, sitting at my parents’ dining room table, that I had a very honest, raw talk with God. What was he calling me to do? How could I be obedient to him in the middle of this horrible situation? 

I was at a breaking point. I had a choice to make. 

Was I going to walk away and become another statistic, or was I going to fight for my marriage?

I chose to fight. 

Fighting to Become a Set-Apart Wife

The fight to become a set-apart wife was a long and arduous process. I remember days when I wanted to give up. I remember sobbing in my car and feeling incredibly alone. But God was with me every step of the way.

Now, years later, God has not only saved our marriage, but he has made it something beautiful. He brought beauty out of ashes.

In my healing process, I learned a lot about what it meant for me to be a wife who was obedient to the Lord. God used this time to make me into a set-apart wife.

I’m not perfect and I still struggle with sin everyday. But there are some basic principles that, as wives, we can use to become set apart for God. These biblical principles encourage and challenge our marriages to honor the Lord and reflect his love.

As wives, we are responsible for our part in our marriages. We are responsible to be set apart and not follow what the world would tell us, but to be obedient to the Lord and his plan.

5 Ways to Become a Set-Apart Wife

No matter where your marriage is today, you can ask yourself the question, “How can I be a set-apart wife who seeks to honor the Lord first, above all else?” Here are five ways I’ve used to become a set-apart wife.

Prioritize Time with the Lord

“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” – Psalm 119:105 (NIV)

By spending regular time with God and fully submitting ourselves to him, the Lord can shape us to be more like him. This lights our path and will impact our ability to respond well to our husbands. 

Be a Peacemaker

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” -Romans 12:18 (NIV)

What exactly does being a peacemaker mean? True Biblical peace isn’t the absence of conflict, but the presence of righteousness.

Shying away from conflict or choosing to be passive because it may be easier in the moment doesn’t bring peace. In fact, this approach often breeds resentment and bitterness.

Bringing righteousness into a relationship means addressing problem areas by shining a light upon them, in love, and working through them to find healing.

Embrace a Gentle Spirit 

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” -1 Peter 3:3-4 (NIV)

I have a tendency to bulldoze situations when I feel passionately about something. This isn’t great when working through issues with my husband…and this is an area I have to work on constantly. Can anyone else relate?

I have found, though, that the more gentle my heart is when working through something with my husband, the quicker we’re able to get to a resolution. This requires us to set aside our pride and hold tightly to humility.

Pray for Your Marriage and for Your Husband

“Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” – Jeremiah 29:12 (NIV)

Prayer recognizes the One who is in control and puts our dependence on him.

Pray for unity and strength in your marriage. Ask God to help you see areas in which you need to grow. Pray that your husband would seek the Lord and that God will be working on his heart. 

Choose Love  

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)

Notice in this passage that it doesn’t say “when it’s easy,  do these things.” We are to choose love even when it’s difficult. Choosing love can look like many things, even in difficult marriages – for those in healthy marriages choosing love may look like holding back words which do not edify, or holding more space for our spouse in our everyday. For those in unhealthy marriages, choosing love might look like saying “no” to ongoing sin, speaking truthfully, or getting counseling for ourselves.

The journey of choosing love doesn’t mean that we’ll be perfect, but this is the standard to which we need to return again and again.

Friend, my prayer for you today is that you will fight for your marriage and you will be obedient to the Lord. My hope and prayer is that you will choose to be a wife who is set apart. 

Wife Step: What is one area you can work on today to be a set-apart wife.

---

Do you want to intentionally grow your faith and marriage? If so, we’ve created the A Wife Like Me Collective for you! We’re waiting for you!