We live in a culture that has a lot of answers for women who struggle with body insecurity. Probably every woman has or will have some problem with body image in their lifetime. I’m glad that our society is confronting it instead of ignoring it like it did for so long, but many of the answers we hear won’t help us find freedom from our insecurities in the long run.

Some common solutions for negative body image are phrases like “you are enough,” “just love yourself,” “you are perfect just the way you are,” and “you are worthy.”

These ideas give an immediate boost of confidence, but I’d argue that they don’t solve our problem long term.

As wives, negative body image can inhibit intimacy, both physically and emotionally. So it’s important to get to the root of where the issue lies.

To solve our insecurity, or even self hate, we need to look in the opposite direction of where our culture tells us: God, not self.

Self Love Isn’t the Answer For Self-Hate: Loving God Is

These kinds of popular phrases and messages sound really good, but ultimately they require you to change your heart with willpower. You and I both know that willpower isn’t enough to change our human condition, but the phrases are wrapped so eloquently that it’s easy to miss the falsehood in them.

To get to the root of where our struggle with insecurity or self-hate comes from, we actually need to look to God. We think we need to look within ourselves, but it doesn’t work to look for a solution in the place the problem lies.

Our culture’s solution of self-love falls short because no matter how much we love ourselves, we can’t love ourselves out of the human condition.

Negative self-image, at its core, stems down to sin. Not in the sense that it is sinful to struggle with body image issues, but the fact that sin resulted in the brokenness of humanity.

The hard truth is that, for many of us, our struggle lies in self-reliance and failing to believe what God says about himself and us  (important note for victims of abuse at the end). Our culture’s version of self love tells us to focus on ourselves more and to focus on the good in our hearts, but God tells us that we find freedom when we look at him and confess the bad in our hearts.

The solution for our struggle with insecurity comes by looking at God and marveling at his glory. When we remember how glorious he is, all he has done, and all he promises to do, we shift our heart’s focus off of ourselves. We also remember how he views us, as wholly loved just as we are. Most importantly, we remember that he is our joy through all things–suffering, pain, sickness, difficult relationships, and body image struggles.

The truth is: we will always have imperfect bodies in this life, and we will most likely struggle with insecurity throughout this life. But God promises to be there to walk with us through our insecurity, love us just as we are, and will redeem our bodies to what they were intended to be – because of who He is. This truth gives us the freedom to praise him for our lives and through this, grow in a more positive self image. Because in the end, our hearts find joy in loving God first, anyway.

Note for Abuse Victims: If you have been a victim of abuse–emotional, psychological, physical, sexual– there are most likely much deeper reasons for negative self-image or self-hate that are the result of what someone has done to you, and at no fault of your own. Please meet with a counselor regularly to sort through these important issues and barriers.

Wife Step: Meditate on the attributes of God, and what he has done and promises to do both for you and for creation. Taking in his splendor helps us to change our hearts to see not our lack, but his glory in all things. Especially his glory in our lack.​

Meagan Elling is a wife of 7 years to Reed, mama to two little girls, writer, and house renovator. She is a SAHM {I’ll let you decide if you want this spelled out or not} in Duluth, MN with a writing degree she thought would go to waste. She is passionate about encouraging women, ministry, traveling, reading 5 books at once, and Texas Roadhouse bread. Meagan writes at www.meaganelling.com and on Instagram @meaganelling.

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