What to do With Your ‘Fix Him’ List

More often than not, I find myself wanting to “fix” my husband.  I have this “fix him” list of all the things I wish were different about him.  How he can improve physically, emotionally, and spiritually. How he can help more or differently around the house, how he can manage finances differently, and how he can love me better. Does this sound familiar? 

Have you noticed how often our “repair” efforts never go quite the way we had planned? As a matter of fact, they often have the opposite result of what we are aiming for. 

It’s often in these moments when I’ve neglected to respond to the whisper of God speaking right to my heart, saying, “Why are you trying to fix what I have created?”

So, what can we do when we are in “fix him” mode, wanting a change to come about and not seeing it happen? We can follow these steps and let God do the rest:

1. Make the list. Go ahead and write it down.  Make that list of repairs you would like to do on your husband.  Then take it a step further. Write down the areas where you could use some “fixing” as well.  Be brutally honest with yourself.

2. Ponder the list.  Ask yourself WHY you want those changes to come about.  Are your reasons for the well-being of your hubby or merely out of a desire to have things your own way?  Are you appreciating the good, authentic qualities of your mate, or are you too busy finding the flaws? Let the mercy and grace of Christ help you see the list with eyes of compassion, for both you and your husband. 

3. Re-write the list.  After you have given serious thought to your “fix him” list, eliminate some of it by crossing out EVERYTHING that isn’t a major issue.  After giving some thought to it, the Lord will most likely show you areas where you can overlook certain things for the sake of unity. Re-write the list list you made for yourself as well.   Ask the Lord to search your heart and reveal to you any areas in which you need to address and turn away from. 

4. Pray over the list.  Remember, we cannot change another person.  Only God can. The greatest power we have is to pray,.so pray for your husband by asking God to reveal to your husband the changes he needs to make in his life.  Ask God the same of yourself. Be humble and willing to make your own changes that will benefit your marriage. Be willing to appreciate the good qualities in the man God brought to you.  

Let go of the desire to “fix him” and let God take the lead.

Wife Step: Make your list. Then, follow the steps above to learn to let go and let God be the Master Repairman.  And don’t forget that self-inventory. What changes can you make to be a greater blessing to your husband?  Pray on all of this and allow God the opportunity to work in the hearts of the both of you.

Betty Predmore is a writer, blogger, speaker, and ministry leader. She is a licensed Christ-based counselor and is Co-founder of the Women of Virtue Empowerment Network, a faith-based non profit organization created for the purpose of inspiring and encouraging women to find help and hope in Jesus Christ. She is also founder of Mom-Sense: Making Sense of Motherhood, where she writes and speaks on motherhood issues. Betty loves to speak at events, sharing practical life application mingled with God’s word, and sprinkled with humor.  She enjoys sharing her blogs on social media as a way of reaching out on a broader spectrum.  Social media has given her a platform to reach much farther than her feet could take her.