By Joy Ballard

Are you a positive influence? The reality is that your influence has a much larger impact than you might realize. 

The Ripple Effect of Your Influence

As a wife and mother, you are involved in the most intimate parts of your family’s life experience, which in turn affects the people in their life and their future! You hold the power to influence your future sons and daughters-in-law, their children and so on. 

The ripple effect of your influence goes beyond your immediate family. How can you be sure your influence on them is good?

Influence Or Control?

Sadly, so many women have acquired a reputation of becoming nagging and controlling to their families that it’s difficult to find couples who have a great, close relationship with their mothers or mothers-in-law. 

You don’t want to become that stereotypical woman who has grown children that will avoid her. 

One of the reasons I think women get to that point is because of the ability to sometimes see what others don’t. Women can often intuitively see the relational and emotional needs in their family and, at the heart, they want to help. 

3 Best Ways to Influence Your Family

So how can you help your family effectively? Here are three important things you need to have a lasting, positive influence on the ones you love.

1. Be slow to speak.

Listen more, speak less. Keep your prayer life strong and only give voice to your thoughts when being directly asked for your opinion or when you feel the person is receptive. Why? Because you hold the very important role of being a safe haven for your family. 

When you see yourself and your family as people in the process of becoming everything God intended, then you can be slower to speak. You can learn not to dish out your opinions and advice since you know each person is on a journey in which Jesus is deeply involved. 

2. Ask thoughtful questions.

There are thoughtless questions–ones that already have an implied answer. “Do you think that’s a good idea?” implies that it is not. “Are you going to wear that?” implies that they shouldn’t. These types of questions have an underlying agenda which drives people away. 

Ask thoughtful questions about how they feel and what they need instead of questioning everything they do. When you ask honest, curious questions about their heart, you communicate sincere interest in who they are and a trust that they can find the answers in Jesus.

3. Have a humble heart.

Stay humble by continually surrendering your own life to the growth process God has for you. It’s been said that actions speak louder than words. But inherently it’s not about saying the right things; it’s about doing the right things. 

Tend to the weeds of resentment, insecurity and control in the garden of your own heart. Jesus said, “learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28 (NIV)

Who Are the Best Influencers?

The most influential people are not necessarily the most popular or famous. They often aren’t even aware of their own impact because they are busy tending to their own heart before the Lord and allowing God to change them. 

Your husband and your kids are directly marked by your influence, and the impact of your influence is directly related to the depth of your trust in God. 

Wife Step: Make a list of thoughtful questions you could start asking to grow your influence.