4 Ways to Encourage Your Pastor’s Wife

There was a season after I had our third daughter when life was very overwhelming. I could barely get myself and all three girls ready by myself each week. I usually had friends coming to me during the church services letting me know at least one of my van doors were left open, with the keys inside.

I knew I finally hit rock bottom when I walked to my van after church one Sunday and the van keys were in the ignition. I tried cranking it, but something was wrong. The keys were already in the position as if it were cranked.

That’s when it hit me. I left the van running the entire morning. While I was inside the battery died, and it ran out of gas. (I’m not sure how both happened).

That’s when I realized I needed help. However, I’m the Pastor’s Wife. It’s weird asking for help, right? Especially when we feel like we shouldn’t need help. Like somehow we’re supposed to manage just fine on our own.

Thankfully, the women of our church are really great to me. They’ve encouraged me well and helped me through some hard seasons.

If your wondering how you can encourage your pastor’s wife, this is what I’ve enjoyed most from those who encourage me well.

1. Invest in her kids. Raising kids is hard. Pastors wives feel a huge pressure to raise picture perfect children. From young ages, their children receive comments, pressures and expectations from well meaning people who barely know them about their personalities and behaviors.

The best way to encourage a pastor’s wife is to embrace and encourage her children’s unique personalities. If they are shy, allow them to be shy. If they are outgoing, avoid labeling them. They are kids. The greatest encouragement you can bring to your pastor’s family is to invest in them, play with them, mentor them, and pray for them.

2. Take her family a meal. If you think your pastor’s family is going through a hard time, the best thing you can do for them is to take a meal or give them a restaurant gift card. Simply send them a message and say “I’d like to bring your family a meal. What day and time is best to drop it off?”

3. Call or text just to check on her.Call just to check on her, not to need anything from her. Simply communicate with her, and see how she’s doing.

4. Let her be her own person. Ninety-five percent of the time, your pastor’s wife is probably parenting, cooking, cleaning, reading her Bible or talking with her husband about church related things. However, in her spare time, the other five percent, she has her own thoughts and dreams and interests.

She would love to talk with you about herself next time you get together. Don’t forget, she’s her own person. She just happens to be married to a pastor.

Wife Step: Choose one of the above and encourage your pastor’s wife today!

Kristin lives in Huntsville, Al (or Rocket City as the Huntsvillian’s call it) with her husband Tim and two daughters. Kristin and her husband helped start Epic Church in San Francisco, Ca., and are now the lead planters of Essential Church in Huntsville, Al.  

While living and working in San Francisco, Kristin and her husband felt God calling them to Huntsville to start a church for people in the South who no longer believed church was for them.  She’s been married to her best friend and biggest fan, Tim, for ten years. Together they have three beautiful girls.

Before motherhood, Kristin was a Mary Kay director and an aspiring business woman. After years of hard work launching and maintaining a successful career, it all fell apart upon moving across the country. For years after losing her career, Kristin struggled with understanding her value and self-worth. She sought value in other titles, such as being a pastor’s wife, and then eventually a mom. 

Kristin now understands our value doesn’t come from the titles or careers we have. Kristin is a stay-at-home mom who seeks to give her children an ordinary, happy childhood. She seeks to find her value in Jesus each day and teaches her kids to do the same by teaching them scripture and letting them see how God fills our shortcomings. She has found her family’s gifts come to the surface when there is space for simplicity. She loves running, reading, writing, being outdoors, and hiking with her family.