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5 A’s To Healthy Communication


Communication in marriage can be a huge source of disconnect and division. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

We can use the following steps to ensure healthy discussions.

The Five A’s to a Healthy Discussion:

  1. Agree. Communicate with your spouse that you want the discussion to bring you closer together and that communication will remain respectful, loving, and God-honoring. Agree to these conditions together.
  2. Affirm. Tell your husband how much you appreciate him – take time at the beginning to remind him of all of the good he is doing (especially if you feel it isn’t much). This is an opportunity to verbalize what you appreciate about your husband and puts your own mind in a place of thanksgiving.
  3. Analyze. Don’t overanalyze. Identify the frustration. Is it one thing? Multiple? Be specific. Focus on only one single issue at a time. State the action (or situation) followed by how it made you feel.
  4. Ask. Ask the person who has the problem to find a solution. How would they like it to be different in the future? For example, if your husband tells you he doesn’t like how you spoke to him, ask him (since he is the one feeling there is a problem) how he would like you speak to him. Communicate with one another until you agree on a reasonable solution, being open and flexible about each other’s frustrations or feelings.
  5. Accept. Once you or your husband have communicated about a solution, it doesn’t mean things will automatically be different. Accept that you are both human and unable to live perfectly. Give grace, focus again on yourself, and revisit these steps when the Lord allows for the right time. Allow for the Lord to work in the situation.

When in doubt, continue to pause and prepare your mind for action. Go to your Father first and gain His perspective. He will help you navigate the flight and allow for a safe landing.

Wife Step: Print these steps off and post them where you’ll see them.

Amanda Davison is on a mission to share how her education in counseling and God’s word changed her life and marriage. Her goal is to transform marriages through the hearts of wives by inspiring wives to live convinced of God’s love and love others from this awesome overflow. She is The Wife Coach, Founder of A Wife Like Me, a Speaker, and Author. She works as the Director of Assimilations at The Naz church in Fergus Falls, MN, where her and her husband lead the Marriage Mentor Team. Her favorite ministry is inside her home where she is the wife to a farmer and mom to three.

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